I can taste it

I'm suffering and my soul is troubled. I'm experiencing emotions and circumstances that I hoped and prayed I would never have to experience again. Emotions that I despise facing and I tend to band aid over. But I'm learning that it's okay to hurt that it's alright to express these pains and hurts to the Lord. It's just a matter of what you then do with them and how you act in response to them. Even Jesus had a troubled heart and what he did with it was not ask God to save him from it, but instead he asked God to glorify Himself through it! (John 12:27-28) That is my prayer. It's hard and suffering is painful, but Jesus suffered the greatest suffering of all!

But what has made this process and experience of reflection, evaluation, distress, learning, and suffering one of ultimately joy and comfort, is the sweetness of Christ. His sweet love, comfort, refuge, strength, and provision is of nothing that I have ever experienced before. As I'm sitting here in my room in anguish and tears, more and more of Christ is being revealed to me in ways that are unbelievably and even incomprehensibly beautiful. His kindness and love is being revealed to me through my family and the prayers that they pray over me. He is being revealed to me through his sweet provision for my summer, and for my families finances. He is being revealed to me in future plans, fellowship, and even new friends. I am in awe of who God is and I am truly experiencing Romans 8:28, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." I'm learning to look for security in heaven, not on earth; to accept, not resent, pain and persecution because God is with me. He is with me for His purpose and for my good. Thankful for the sweet refuge of Jesus Christ.