The glory of God is so large that our finite minds leave us with nothing but complete and utter awe, or complete and utter confusion. I think it’s a beautiful mixture of the two. Why me?
A girl so filled with depravity and selfishness.
A daughter wanting to rebel from the commands of her father.
A friend often jealous for the wardrobe she never had.
A women desiring the attention of a man.
A sister attempting to one-up anyone and everyone.
I’m the best hypocrite. I sit here and think about how the truth behind the actions is, a lot of times, acting. There is no truth, no genuine deed of love, no change in the heart, no renewal.
As I have been falling more in love with this man Jesus these past two years, this “I can fix myself” mentality has still so much been a part of my daily ups and downs. It is my natural and automatic reaction to my sin, and truly the root of my sin, that it is so ingrained in every maneuver. It finds me still reaching and reaching for an unachievable goal.
It is truly when you admit every weakness to the Man that is Strength that you feel encompassed by freedom (oxymoron?).
It’s a scary thing to come before the presence of God vulnerable and begging for the gift of grace. Begging for the impartation of perfection because you know your dirty hands will get you nowhere but deeper into the dirt.
What’s absolutely beautiful is that then, in that place, is perfection. The dirt becomes moldable. Without a shadow of a doubt that grimy, unstoppable sin is so beautifully swept up and made into a clay pot.
“But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.” 2 Corinthians 4:7
And those imperfections, my friends, are slowly manifested into what we never imagined. And what we could never achieve.
It is this desperate surrender that allows you to be loved and to love. To teach and to be taught.
I’m left confused as to what the sam-heck could be molded from this mess of a girl. But left in AWE that despite (and in spite of) my mess, it still happens.
JOY fills every
Breath breathed,
Song sung,
Laugh laughed.
“Not to us O Lord, not to us, but to your name give glory for the sake of your steadfast love and faithfulness!” Psalm 115:1
